


Honest Life

by kronette



Category: Red Dwarf
Genre: M/M, Mirror Universe, Season/Series 08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-14
Updated: 2013-02-14
Packaged: 2017-11-29 05:29:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,310
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/683372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kronette/pseuds/kronette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/626453">Cheating Death</a>.  It was now almost four years after he'd crossed to this mirror universe, and it felt more like home than Io ever did. He had genuine friends and colleagues who admired him, he was a respected officer and captain, and he was loved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Honest Life

They maintained the illusion of separate quarters to not disrupt the crew, but truthfully, Lister moved into the captain's quarters four months after their first night together. If Rimmer wasn't aware that he had been seducing his first officer before, he made damn sure from that night on, his gestures were deliberate and well thought out.

In the process, he discovered flirting with Lister was _fun_. Double entendres were their standard forte, but teasing glances, a nudged foot – smeg, even a raised eyebrow left Rimmer with a quickened heartbeat.

He didn't dread going back to his quarters at the end of a long day, because Lister would be there waiting for him. Or, on those nights when Rimmer arrived first, he would thrum with anticipation as he waited for his lover to come home.

It was, much like the other Rimmer's relationship with Kochanski, an unspoken but known truth: the captain and first officer were in a sexual relationship. Lister assured him that the other senior officers didn't have a problem with the chain of command, but Rimmer worried.

Rimmer worried far more than a man who had everything going for him should, for he had a very large, very overwhelming secret he was keeping from the man he was growing to love more every day. He was not Lister's original Rimmer, and he dreaded the day he slipped up and said something about his past. It was tiresome, keeping two timelines separate. When Dave said something that reminded him of something Kryten had said, Rimmer had to bite his tongue to stop from making the comparison. But he had to keep up the illusion or risk losing everything: his captaincy, his freedom, and Lister. It was a dark blemish on an otherwise perfect time in his life.

It scared him, sometimes, when he felt Lister's arm slide around his waist, or he woke up with his face buried in Lister's back. Rimmer could only shake his head after he clutched Lister's hand tightly to his chest and Lister murmured a concerned question. He couldn't explain his irrational moments – where he needed reassurance that Lister was there, that Lister loved him; that Lister wanted to be with him.

It was now almost four years after he'd crossed to this mirror universe, and it felt more like home than Io ever did. He had genuine friends and colleagues who admired him, he was a respected officer and captain, and he was loved.

He'd scoffed at love most of his life, believing it to be a weak character flaw. But as the days trudged along and he spent time in Lister's glow of happiness, he felt himself responding not just physically, but emotionally. On the day he realized he'd fallen in love with Lister, he had never felt more confident; more self-assured. Love made him stronger, not weaker. It supported him on those stressful days, it comforted him on the sad days, and it was a warm embrace to celebrate the good days.

He'd thought Lister would have been the mushy declarer of undying love, but it was he who left affectionate tokens for Lister to find in his office or in their quarters; it was he who whispered promises into dark skin while they made love; it was he who wept silent tears the first time Lister penetrated him, claiming his body as well as heart and soul.

He didn't so much as glance at another man, and most women vanished from his peripheral vision. He was still a _man_ , however, and it was impossible for him to completely ignore the opposite sex. He could still appreciate the hefty curve of a female breast encased in a beige uniform top, or the tight stretch of material over a firm arse. When his gaze did happen to stray, a gentle touch to his jaw brought his eyes firmly back to the dark windows to his lover's soul.

"Easy, captain," Lister would murmur with a half-lidded gaze, signaling the need to reclaim what was his. "You wouldn't want me thinking you'd like a taste of that."

With a wry grin acknowledging he'd been caught out, Rimmer would shake his head and offer an apologetic kiss. "I can admire beauty without needing to sample it. Besides, anything I taste would be bitter compared to your sweetness." He loved to watch Lister's eyes darken, the green and gold flecks vanishing as lust overtook him. The previous apologetic kiss was merely a brush of lips, whereas the rush of emotion at Rimmer's words drew them together in a surge of passion, heedless of who was watching.

But no matter how much his heart ached at the separation of their bodies, or how often the breath stuttered in his chest as he glimpsed his lover for the first time in the morning, or how minute his lips trembled as he tenderly kissed Lister good-night at the end of the day, the crippling weight of his deception kept him from loving Lister freely.

In a decision that would have earned him his dreaded childhood nickname of Bonehead, he made preparations to tell Lister the entire truth. He had Todhunter prepare a special meal for their quarters and ordered up Lister's favorite wine. Lister wasn't a man to accept flowers and Rimmer wasn't a man to give them, but Rimmer did have some freshly cut daisies from the arboretum in a vase on the table. When Lister came home that night, the lights were low, candles were lit and Rimmer stood by the table nervously.

"What's this?" Lister asked, his eyes alight from both his surprised delight and reflected candlelight.

"You deserve to be treated now and then," Rimmer explained with only a slight waver to his voice. "I wouldn't want you to think I'd ever take you for granted."

A soft smile broke over Lister's face, and Rimmer surrendered to his gentle, loving kiss. "You treat me every single day, Arnold, by loving me. That's all I'll ever ask of you, and I hope it's all you ever ask of me."

Rimmer licked his lips nervously – an old habit – and he watched with a plummeting stomach as some of the warmth left Lister's eyes. "I do have one thing to ask of you, Dave. It may sound like an easy thing at first, but it's something that could change the way you feel about me." He indicated the chair. "Please, sit down. I want to tell you something, and it's going to be…" he took a deep breath, "Incredibly painful for me to get it out. I ask that you be patient with me, let me tell my story in my time, and not say anything until I'm done."

Lister's face was wreathed in confusion and fear, and Rimmer's chest tightened at the enormity of what he was about to do. "That's three things you're asking, Arnold," Lister remarked mildly, "But because I love you, I'll hear you out until you say you're done."

Rimmer felt the hot rush of tears and blinked rapidly to keep them at bay. "I don't know what I ever did in my life to deserve you – to deserve happiness – but I –" he took a shuddering breath. "I love you, David Lister. No matter what you may believe about me, trust in that. You are the best thing that ever happened to my life and I don't know how I lived before I found you."

Tears glistened in Lister's eyes and his smile wavered.

Rimmer had a speech prepared and rehearsed, carefully building to his crawl over to this universe to escape death, but seeing how nervous Lister was pushed him to blurt out, "I'm not the original Rimmer to this universe. I'm from a mirror universe, where everything is opposite. My _Red Dwarf_ had been attacked by a metal-eating virus. The crew had abandoned ship while I crossed over here to find an antidote, so when I returned to my universe, I was alone. The ship was disintegrating around me, metal softened by the virus and unbelievably heated by the fires raging throughout. Death found me that day, but I escaped him through the mirror that brought me here."

He could no longer see Lister through the tears blurring his vision. "I met you on my first trip here. You asked why I was out of bed and explained that you were my first officer. That was me you directed to the science lab, not your captain. I wasn't even a captain; I was the second lowest rank person on my ship, superior only to that Lister. He and I were in the Tank with three friends: Kochanski, Cat and a mechanoid called Kryten." He chuffed out a miserable laugh. "Friends. They weren't my friends; I didn't have friends. I was despised by everyone. I was a coward. All I wanted in my life was to become an officer and I used any and all means to achieve it – cheating, bribery; even learning drugs. But it never worked. Second Technician Arnold Judas Rimmer, leader of Zed shift, is all I ever achieved."

He sniffled and blinked to focus on the blurry image of his lover. "Until I came here. I had my captaincy here. I _fit_ here. Then I fell in love with you and I fit with _you_. I became the man I always wanted to be, because of you. You made me an officer and a gentleman, Dave Lister, and I'll love you until the stars burn out of the sky." He took another unsteady breath. "I'd rather face death again than hurt you, but I know that's exactly what I've done. I've lied to you for four years, four of the best years of my life, but based on a lie. I never found out what happened to the Captain Rimmer of this _Red Dwarf_ , but I wish I could meet him and tell him what an utter, blind fool he was to not see you for the amazing man you are."

"Shut up, Rimmer," Lister's shaky voice interrupted him. "Please, just stop talking."

He licked his lips, the salt from his tears stinging the tip of his tongue. He tasted burning bile in his throat and his stomach was in knots, anticipating the verbal abuse Lister was about to heap on him – and deserving every hurtful word. Lister's face was covered with his hand, so he couldn't even see Lister's expression to gauge the level of his anger.

Lister's voice was muffled, but it wasn't as angry as Rimmer feared. It was annoyed, hurt and sharp as he said, "Captain Rimmer asked the professor about a strange liquid. Captain Rimmer was acting oddly, not the space flu that he'd been suffering from, but disoriented, like he didn't know who his first officer was or even how to read. Captain Rimmer suffered from smoke inhalation and severe burns to his body, despite no reported fires on board. However, the remains of a fire were discovered in the captain's quarters while the captain recovered from his burns in the medi bay." Lister removed his hand from his face, and Rimmer saw the tears tracing down to the disappointed frown.

"Don't you think we questioned the captain about the discrepancies and the odd behavior? Don't you think we had suspicions? The professor came up with the possibility of a mirror universe and knocked up a device that could open a portal." Lister's voice dropped to a ragged whisper. "Captain Rimmer went through that mirror. He's dead." Lister raised his eyes, and Rimmer all but stumbled back at the fierce love and anger shining out at him. "You don't think the entire crew noticed your personality change? Your command style changed, you stopped playing poker and hanging out with the chaps on Zed shift, you even stopped sleeping with Kochanski. You only ever wanted to play the field and you never showed a shred of interest in men, yet here we are." Lister was breathing hard, on the verge of tears again, and it was everything Rimmer could do not to wrap him in a hug and never let go.

"It's a wonder you took to captaincy as well as you did, because you barely have two working brain cells. Don't you think we _knew_? That _I_ knew? Did you really believe that I didn't know who you were, after four years together? You stupid, smegging idiot. Get over here and kiss me before I completely break down and…"

Rimmer never did hear what else would happen to Lister, as he swept his lover up in a kiss and the hug he'd been so desperate to bestow not a moment earlier. "I'm so sorry, Dave," he declared over Lister's shoulder. "You're absolutely right: I'm an idiot. I'm a stupid, smegging, blathering baboon. I've been so worried, so scared that you'd hate me when you learned the truth that it never occurred to me that you already knew."

He held on tighter, feeling Lister's grip strengthen at his waist. "Of course I knew; I have three degrees, you smeghead. I'm smarter than you could ever hope to be."

He laughed, despite the tears drying on his cheeks. The impossible relief he felt at having told the truth left him floating, feeling lighter than a speck of dust. "Catalogued for future reference, love." He pulled back far enough to look at Lister's face, so earnest and full of love he felt to bursting. "You're not mad at me for lying?" he asked in disbelief.

Lister twisted his mouth as he pretended to think, then he offered a slow smile and swept his hand up Rimmer's back to play with his hair. "Annoyed that you could be so dense, yes, but not mad. I could see the moments where you wanted to tell me something, but held back. I assumed they were things you wanted to compare to something in your past, but couldn't. I'd like to hear about your past, Arnold, if you're up for it."

The lifting of the weight of his deception left Rimmer overcome with love for the man in his arms. He rubbed his erection against Lister's hip, feeling an answering heat against his thigh. "I'm not exactly primed for talking, Dave. If it's all the same to you, I'd rather worship you with my mouth for the next five or so hours."

Lister's hand tightened in his hair and he muttered, "Oh, smeg," before dragging Rimmer down for a deep, open-mouthed kiss.

Rimmer did his level best to keep his promise, loving to hear the throaty moans and the high pitched squeals of his lover as Lister writhed beneath his hands and mouth. But the human body can take only so much pleasure, and not long after he brought Lister to an explosive climax, his own release shattered him.

Rimmer's face was half-buried in the mattress; Lister's hand a comfort on his lower back as they both struggled to regain their breath. It was moments later, when the sweat pooled at Rimmer's lower back cooled and semen dried to uncomfortableness on his stomach, that Lister asked quietly, "What did the other Lister mean to you?"

Rimmer turned his face to his lover, rubbing his thumb on the still-slick skin of Lister's stomach. "We were roommates," he began, then fell silent. "In The Tank, we became friends. We played pranks on the other inmates and got into trouble, the sort of thing schoolboys do, only I never did when I was a schoolboy. It was very freeing, not being myself." He studied Lister's face but his expression was carefully set, not betraying what he was thinking. But Rimmer knew him; he knew what Lister really wanted to know.

"I would get a fluttery feeling in my stomach sometimes, when he looked at me. When his eyes twinkled mischievously with a new scheme, my heart would leap into my throat. I'd wish he'd do something when he let his hand linger longer than propriety on my arm after we drank too much illegal hooch, but nothing ever happened. I don't know if he realized he was flirting, or if he was looking for a signal from me that I was ready." He shook his head against the mattress. "It wouldn't have worked anyway. We were too different – different backgrounds, different upbringing, different goals."

Lister's gaze swept over his face, a hint of sorrow playing at his mouth. "How do you know it wouldn't have worked out if you never tried?"

Rimmer dropped his gaze to his hand on Lister's stomach. "I was too much a coward. You remember how you were seduced by my seduction all those years ago? I had no idea I was flirting with you. I admired and respected you, and I remember how shocked I was when I realized we had a genuine friendship. My relationship with the other Lister was as close to a friendship as I'd ever come. It wasn't until you confronted me with your feelings that I realized how strong mine were for you, but even then, it was mostly lust. Sex had always been – complicated for me; love even more so. I thought it all folly. I didn't realize…" his hand slid up Lister's chest to his collarbone, bracing himself carefully as he kissed Lister's full lips. He stared down into the eyes he loved, at the man he loved, and breathed against his lips, "I never knew love could be so empowering. Maybe he cracked open the door, but it was you that gave my life meaning. It was you that gave my heart a reason for beating. My heart is yours for as long as you'll have it, and I hope that's a very, very long time."

He watched as Lister's eyes filled and tears leaked down his temples before his vision was obscured by his eyelids, closed tightly as Lister kissed him fervently. As he sank deeper and deeper into the kiss, Rimmer swore he felt Lister's name being seared letter by letter onto his heart. With startling clarity, he realized he was marking his place on Lister's heart, too, and the choking hitch to his breathing was swallowed by Lister.

When their mouths finally parted, Rimmer rested his forehead on Lister's, not wanting to lose the devastating intimacy they'd just discovered.

It was Lister who broke the silence, though his voice was shredded with emotion. "I didn't think I could love you more, but you keep surprising me. My heart belongs to you until the day I die and beyond."

Rimmer whined softly against Lister's mouth, sealing Lister's declaration with another kiss. "If I could keep you in this bed for the next forty years, I would," he growled possessively, rolling off of Lister but pulling him along until they were on their sides, facing each other.

Lister smirked as he teased, "Only forty?"

Rimmer felt the heat of Lister's hand curve around his arse and purred as Lister gave it a good squeeze. His eyebrow quirked as he retaliated with a pinch to Lister's posterior, enjoying the wide smile Lister bestowed him. "Well, someone has to run the ship," he explained. "Maybe just a quick peek every ten years that they haven't turned us round or mutated anything?"

Lister hummed happily and slid closer until Rimmer was able to get his arms around him. "An excellent plan, sir. That's gone right up my flagpole and I'm saluting that one."

Both of Rimmer's eyebrows rose as he felt hardness against his stomach, signaling that Lister wasn't speaking metaphorically. With a groan of surrender, he bent his head to meet Lister's kiss. Despite their previous hours of sweat-dripping sex, Rimmer found his body responding to his lover's until they collapsed into exhaustive sleep, their bodies still intertwined.

The End


End file.
